I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, I only have one small problem, I lie.
The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle! He's dreaming too.
I'm not single. I'm just romantically challenged.
The road to success is always under construction.
A smile suits every kinds of clothes.
I am too lazy to be lazy.
My last seen at was just to check your last seen at.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
Yes I'm smiling but you're not the reason anymore.
I love to walk in fog, because nobody knows I'm smoking.
I don't need to explain myself because, I know I' m right.
At least don't make someone fall in love with you when you can't love them forever, you've no idea how much it suffocates to be in love with someone who stops loving you...
Enjoy it, before it melts. Life is like Icecream.
I changed my password everywhere to 'incorrect.' that way when I forget it, it always reminds me, 'your password is incorrect'.
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It's not an attitude , it's the way I am.
I look at the moon and it looks really beautiful! Then I look at you and I think I'll look at the moon again?!
Life without mistakes is like , education without books.
Sometimes one middle finger isn't enough to let someone know how you feel. That's why you have two hands.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
I look at people sometimes and think...Really? That's the sperm that won.
Time is precious waste it wisely.
I'll marry the girl who looks pretty on her Aadhar Card.
Nothing is over until you stop trying.
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.
They say don't drink and drive. Well.... yesterday I was drinking a juice box while riding my tricycle.
The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered there is opportunity for growth.
Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
I will not delete you or block you. I'm keeping you there so you will be able to see how happy I'm without you..
I speak my mind. I never mind what I speak.
Awesome ends with me; but Ugly starts with you.
Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
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The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Dear math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
Behind every successful man, there stands a surprised woman.
Attitude is like an underwear Don't show it just wore it.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
My first name and your last name would sound great together.
Beauty fades after time, but personality is forever.
Never forget what someone says to you when they are angry, because that's when the truth comes out.
Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.
Relationships these days start by pressing like on her photo.
Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.
He who laughs last didn't get it.
Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes.
I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
If people are talking behind your back, be happy that your the one in front.
Get up every morning, imagine a future then make it happen.
The only way to do great work is to love what you do.
Happiness comes with a price tag. If you are smiling, You have already paid for it in past.
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A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
When a door closes, an incognito window opens.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
Galileo: Great mind. Einstein: Genius mind. Newton: Extraordinary mind. Bill Gates: Brilliant mind. Me: Never mind.
I miss the days when I was put my head on my desk.
God is really creative, I mean just look at me.
Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a facebook account.
Dream is not complete by sleeping.
Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
Stop checking my status ! Go Get A Life.
Don't talk to me B'coz I was attached easily!
The hardest part of trying to steal one sheep is stopping the rest of them from following.
I'm not lazy. I'm just on my energy saving mode.
Just finished blocking some numbers on whatsapp, if you can read this then you got lucky.
Life is too short Don't waste it updating status.
People with status don't need status.
I am not drunk, I am just chemically off-balanced.
You may not perfect in many things... But many things cannot perfect without you.
It's funny how people say they miss, but don't even make an effort to even see you.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
The best revenge is massive success.
Life is journey. I am traveller.
I Wish My Parents Were Like Google. They Should Understand Me Even Before I Complete.
I am not failed. my success is just postponed.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
Nowadays cool means I really don't care.
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in australia.
I'm not arguing. I'm simply explaining why I'm right.
Give me a photo of you so I can show santa what I want for christmas.
If plan 'a' didn't work. The alphabet has 25 more letters! So stay cool.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Don't be so happy, I don't really forgive people, I just pretend like it's ok and wait for my turn to destroy them.
